Behind The Parenting: Raising a 5 year old daughter who wants to be a teenager
I have a 5 year old daughter... Let me be a little more clear and descriptive: I have a 5 year old daughter going on 15 who delights in all things fashion; clothing, makeup, hair accessories, jewelry, shoes, and purses. Oh, and she likes to tell people what to do. She's a girly girl, AND an extreme leader which I find amazing and horrific all at the same time. I have a hard time relating to some of her characteristics (I'm not a girly girl), so I've found myself struggling to find a balance between allowing her to pursue her passion without her becoming too vain and only care about appearance. On the flip side, I don't want to crush her dreams of possibly one day getting into fashion, and end up limiting her... uh, artistic process... How do I allow my daughter to pursue such an adult-oriented interest without it causing her to grow up too fast?
I know that to become great at something it takes years of practice, research and learning. But at what point do I need to say 'chill out' and be a kid before you start dealing with the stresses of being an adult? When it comes to fashion and design, society has created so much pressure that it really just makes me want to say 'no' to it all..
I know this is taboo with some parents and I'm not disagreeing with how any of you deal with it. I tried to 'outlaw' makeup and high heels until she turns a certain age, but this is seriously what brings her joy. Getting new clothes is better than ice cream to her. And it doesn't even have to be NEW clothes... I've seen her squeal with delight at a bag of hand-me-downs. It's the potential she sees in it. And it's always been important to me to support the things my children are interested in, ESPECIALLY if it is unique to them and they are good at it.
My daughter has a quirky style that goes against all dressing etiquette like, stripes with plaid, pink with red, tank top with boots. But that's what fashion is all about, pushing the limits of what used to be the norm, right?
I've been very careful about not putting her down for the things she chooses to wear (aside from being weather and school appropriate). But then I look at pictures like this second one and think, am I letting this go a little too far? This particular day she was just playing and we didn't leave the house, but she totally looks 15 years old! But let me be honest, if I would have made a comment about it to her, she would have argued with me to the DEATH, and then she would have spent a week analyzing what my comment really meant which ends up drawing more attention to the very thing I don't want her to be overthinking.
I've made sure to always explain to her that appearance does not matter and it doesn't make the person who they are... especially when talking about makeup. She mostly understands and doesn't really argue about my rule of not wearing makeup outside the house (unless we are just running to the store), but then she always asks why I'm allowed to wear makeup and I find myself trying to explain that it helps make me look a little more... uh.... 'put together', hopefully without sounding like I care too much about what other people think of my appearance.
Do you see my dilemma? This little girl... this tiny, 5 year old, dimple-faced little human makes me question everything I've ever thought to be true. She takes the most simple idea and turns it into the most complex conversation or situation I've ever had to deal with. And obviously it's only getting harder as she gets older.
I pray constantly that she continues to see the value and beauty she brings to this world. That she doesn't need anyone's validation to make her an essential part of her community. And that her idea of style and beauty do not need to fit into the box that society has created.
But for now, I'm mostly going to pray that she sees the importance of being a kid and HOPEFULLY will stay my little girl for a little while longer.
I know that to become great at something it takes years of practice, research and learning. But at what point do I need to say 'chill out' and be a kid before you start dealing with the stresses of being an adult? When it comes to fashion and design, society has created so much pressure that it really just makes me want to say 'no' to it all..
My daughter has a quirky style that goes against all dressing etiquette like, stripes with plaid, pink with red, tank top with boots. But that's what fashion is all about, pushing the limits of what used to be the norm, right?
I've been very careful about not putting her down for the things she chooses to wear (aside from being weather and school appropriate). But then I look at pictures like this second one and think, am I letting this go a little too far? This particular day she was just playing and we didn't leave the house, but she totally looks 15 years old! But let me be honest, if I would have made a comment about it to her, she would have argued with me to the DEATH, and then she would have spent a week analyzing what my comment really meant which ends up drawing more attention to the very thing I don't want her to be overthinking.
I've made sure to always explain to her that appearance does not matter and it doesn't make the person who they are... especially when talking about makeup. She mostly understands and doesn't really argue about my rule of not wearing makeup outside the house (unless we are just running to the store), but then she always asks why I'm allowed to wear makeup and I find myself trying to explain that it helps make me look a little more... uh.... 'put together', hopefully without sounding like I care too much about what other people think of my appearance.
Do you see my dilemma? This little girl... this tiny, 5 year old, dimple-faced little human makes me question everything I've ever thought to be true. She takes the most simple idea and turns it into the most complex conversation or situation I've ever had to deal with. And obviously it's only getting harder as she gets older.
I pray constantly that she continues to see the value and beauty she brings to this world. That she doesn't need anyone's validation to make her an essential part of her community. And that her idea of style and beauty do not need to fit into the box that society has created.
But for now, I'm mostly going to pray that she sees the importance of being a kid and HOPEFULLY will stay my little girl for a little while longer.
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